SHHH MOAR LEAKS

Basic Plot

Anniversary Story

Psst: Before you start reading, you might want to take note of all the boldface words. They’ll be important near the end of the story.

"This looks like the place," you tell yourself as you gaze at the massive, four-story mansion in front of you. You check the invitation. 1263 Kibougamine Way. Yep, this is it.

Not like this place is hard to miss. This mansion is completely alone, surrounded only by fields of tall grass that stretched to the horizon in every direction. Occasionally, a strong enough breeze would push down a row of grass that cascaded across the plain like an ocean wave.

The building's design could best be described as "abstract." Certain aspects of the building gave it a royal feel, such as the gold-trimmed window frames, the sinusoidal granite path that started at the mansion's large mahogany double doors and ended at the wrought-iron gate that stood in front of you. But other details clashed with the regal look of the building. Large chunks of beige paint were flaking and peeling from the exterior walls as if the house had a horrid skin disease. Coils of barbed wire lined the tops of an otherwise fancy iron fence. A cell phone tower sat behind the house and stretched high into the sky, colored a sickly orange from rust. You can hardly believe that this is the venue for "The World's Greatest Party."

"Hello?" You call out. You tug on the metal gate and aside from a shriek from its decaying hinges, it opens with no resistance. You walk up the curved path and open the mansion's double doors.

{PAGE BREAK}

Inside, you find that a large number of people. You almost think that you're late, until you check the clock and realize that you're an hour early. Seeing as how you have time to kill, you decide to make new friends.

Who would you like to talk to?

[DennyIntro] The boy sitting on the couch, typing on a laptop.

[BrandonIntro] The boy standing near the wall, playing with a 3DS.

[AngelaIntro] The boy with his back turned to you, sitting on a table.

[JasperIntro] The girl wearing a labcoat, poking a carcass with a metal stick.

[LeoIntro] The man wearing a bulky, golden suit of armor.

[BruceIntro] The man sitting on a chair, wearing a tuxedo.

[ZachIntro] The boy wearing a sweatband on his forehead.

[KatieIntro] The girl wearing a red bow tie and a fez.

[SantiagoIntro] The man sitting on a couch in front of a TV with a sad look on his face.

[AdrianIntro] The boy wearing white shutter shades and a leather jacket with spikes on the shoulders.

[RheaIntro] The girl sitting with her back against the wall, drawing.

[ScarlettIntro] The girl lying down on the carpet, watching something on a portable DVD player.

[ChristinaIntro] The girl wearing a skirt, flailing her arms in the middle of the floor.

[IanIntro] The boy sitting in the corner of the room wearing purple latex gloves.

[VivianIntro] The girl with a pocket mirror, applying makeup to her face.

[SnakeIntro] Don't talk to anyone and just sit on the couch until someone else decides to talk to you.

[NoIntro] Turn on your phone and ignore everyone until the party starts.

{DennyIntro}

You approach the thin Asian boy sitting on the couch. He’s typing away on his laptop, which has numerous antennas and apparatuses connected to it. You have no idea what any of those devices do.

“Hello,” You say. The boy looks up from his monitor and looks at you, then reciprocates your greeting. He mentions that his name is “Denny.”

“Do you know what’s going on with the party? Why hasn’t it started yet?” You ask. Denny continues typing away at his laptop.

“No idea. But I managed to break into the mansion’s data network.” He turns his screen towards you, as if expecting you to understand the massive blocks of code he wrote. “Apparently, the entire house is rigged with security cameras.”

“Security cameras?” You ask. “Why would he need so many cameras?”

“Well, it is the most exclusive party in the world. Maybe as a security measure for theft?” Denny shrugged. “Don’t know why anyone would steal things from the bathroom though.”

“Wait...” You process what Denny just said. “There are security cameras in the bathroom too?”

He nods. “Creepy right?” He continues typing. You decide to walk away, slightly disturbed by this newly learned information. Though as you glance around at some of the people in the room, you decide that maybe gaining access to those bathroom cameras would be a good thing.

Who else would you like to talk to? [OPTIONS]

{BrandonIntro}

You walk towards the boy leaning against the wall. His thumbs press rhythmically on the 3DS’ buttons, creating an audible click clack with every button press. On the case, the word “Brandon” is engraved.

“Hey Brandon,” you greet.

He glances briefly up at you. “Hey,” he says unenthusiastically, turning his attention back to the screen.

“What game are you playing?” You ask.

“Pokémon X.”

“Oh cool! I have Pokémon Y. Wanna battle?”

Brandon sighs. “Sure.” You pull out your 3DS and you start battling.

You lose terribly to his level 100 EV Trained Mega-Gengar.

“Wow, you’re really good,” you complement.

“No,” he says. You almost believe that he was trying to be modest until he continued his sentence. “You’re just really bad. You used a Mega-Kangaskhan, which is banned. With that Pokémon alone, you should have won, but you didn’t bother to EV train, breed for IVs, or even find a decent nature. Step it up next time you try to battle someone of my caliber.”

Offended, you walk away.

Who else would you like to talk to? [OPTIONS]

{AngelaIntro}

You approach the boy sitting at a table. From the back, you can see that his hair is very long, reaching all the way to the base of his neck.

“Hey, what’s your name?” You ask. The boy turns around. And you realize you’ve made a huge mistake.

“Angela,” he (or rather, she) says. Her hair is short compared to most girls, but short enough and tangled enough to pass for a boy with long, untidy hair.

“What?” She asked, though her tone made it seem more like a command belted out by a drill sergeant. “Why are you staring at my hair?” You realize that you’ve been staring at her hair for almost five minutes, stunned at the fact that this guy is really a girl.

“Oh, sorry, I just-”

“You thought I was a boy, huh?” She snaps.

“N-no! I just-”

“How typical. Typical of you misogynists</i>. You think just because we’re women we have to conform to gender stereotypes imposed by men? And the second we violate those rules, we’re suddenly weird?”

“Slow down!”

Angela won’t listen to you. “I’ve had it with you damn chauvinistic pigs. I make my own decisions. This girl, this feminist is free from your shackles of masculine oppression! Down with the patriarchy! Up with the matriarchy!” Angela steps onto a table and raises her densely tattooed fist into the air. “Death to the misogynists!” She shouts. “DEATH TO THE MISOGYNISTS!” She screams at you, inches from your face. A few drops of spit land on your eyes, which you quickly wipe off. When you open your eyes again, you see that she has pulled out a scalpel from her pocket with the words “The Castrator” engraved onto it.

Slightly scared for your safety, you run away.

Who would you like to talk to now? [OPTIONS]

{JasperIntro}

You approach the girl wearing a labcoat. Stitched onto the pocket protector are the words “Jasper Noble.”

“Jasper?” You ask, confirming whether or not Jasper is her name or the name of an anonymous labcoat-making company in Indonesia.

“Can I help you?” She asks. She seems preoccupied with poking the pink dead blob on the floor.

“Uh... what is that?” You point to the corpse on the ground.

“This is a nonliving povertis breadandbutteras specimen. I found it while I driving to this party, approximately 13.025 kilometers South-Southeast from our present location, though I unfortunately was unable to capture it in its natural state due to it colliding with the front bumper of my car. The sudden change in the animal’s acceleration unfortunately shattered its ribcage and broke its spine, which I determined to be its cause of death with the help of this anatomic analyzer.” She motioned her head towards the metal stick in her hand.

“So... you’re poking roadkill?” You ask her.

Jasper sighs. “Yes. It’s quite enjoyable. Would you like to have a go?” She points the metal stick towards you, as if beckoning you to take it. On the poking end of the stick, an unknown colorless slime slides down the stick.

“Erm, no thank you.” You walk away, leaving Jasper to poke the roadkill alone.

Who else would you like to talk to? [OPTIONS]

{LeoIntro}

You approach the man clad in shiny, golden armor. Standing next to him, you feel incredibly small. Even though you consider yourself to be an average height, the top of your head only barely reaches the mouth of the large lion visage protruding from the front of his chestplate. You throw him a greeting.

“Good day to you as well, fellow partygoer.” The man replies. His deep voice booms with authority and reminds you of the voice of a lumberjack. Or Paul Bunyan. “My name is Leo Orenstein.” Leo kneels on one leg to get to your eye level. “And what is yours?”

You give him your name.

“Really? You share that name with my cousin, a warrior of incredible skill!” He chuckles, as if reminiscing about the time spent with his cousin. “Feel honored indeed. Why, I remember the both of us traveling deep through the untamed forests of Liskeard to slay a monster that had been wreaking havoc on a nearby Sporeling village, eating their tiny mushroom homes, drinking from their sacred lake, and, for lack of a better word, polluting their water supply. The Sporelings called the monster a ‘Shadowplane Behemoth’ for it towered over them and attacked only at night. My cousin and I ventured for seven long days, seeking out the foul beast and when we finally found it, we discovered that it was only a mere basset hound!” Leo chortles gleefully. His laugh bellows through the room. He almost tips over as he laughs, but he manages to catch himself with his left arm.

Leo continues entertaining you for some time with stories about his adventures. After he recounts a dramatic encounter with a Lunar Dragon, you decide to leave to talk to other people. And you also decide that Leo would make a cool grandfather.

Who else would you like to talk to? [OPTIONS]

{BruceIntro}

You approach the only person in the entire room wearing a tuxedo. You’re not a fashion designer, but you can tell that his tuxedo cost more than your car, your house, and the value of your organs in the black market. Combined.

You say hello. Without moving, the man turns to face you, as if he were a statue on a swivel chair. He avoids making eye contact with you, instead staring at an invisible point a thousand yards away.

“Something here isn’t right,” he says. His raspy, deep voice reminds you of a throat cancer victim. “This house is filled to the brim with cameras, and I can hear heavy machinery in the basement. Doesn’t sound like a party venue as much as it sounds like a deathtrap.”

“Deathtrap?” You ask.

The man nods. “What other mansion have you heard of that has bulletproof windows, a cell phone jammer, and remote-locking doors?” You shrug.

“The name’s Bruce. Bruce Wayne,” he says. “I can tell you’ve wanted to know my name ever since we started talking.” You find his gruff voice unnatural, almost as if he’s trying to conceal a secret identity.

He turns to face away from you. “But given a few days, it won’t matter if you know my name.”

Confused and slightly worried, you walk away from him.

Who else would you like to talk to? [OPTIONS]

{ZachIntro}

You approach the boy wearing a white sweatband on his head. He also dons a blue and white track singlet and shorts, along with matching running shoes that look like they’ve seen years of use.

You greet the boy. He turns to face you.

“Hi there!” He says. You notice the phrase “Zachary P” stitched onto the front of his shirt.

“How’s it going, Zach?” You ask.

“Pretty good. Hey, dude, I heard this party was AWESOME. I’m like so hyped to be here, I can’t believe I got an invite! As soon as I got it in the mail I ran all the way here without stopping!”

“Wait, you ran all the way here? But this mansion’s in the middle of nowhere! The nearest city has to be at least 50 miles away.”

Zach grinned. “Yep! Barely even broke a sweat. Ran from California to here in 10 hours, non-stop. I thought I was at the wrong place when I got here since no one else was here, so I did a light workout while I waited for other people to arrive.”

You can’t believe it. California was 200 miles away from this mansion, yet not only did Zach manage to run all the way here, he managed to arrive first.

“Light workout?” You ask.

“Yeah. 52 mile sprint. Piece. Of. Cake,” he says. He begins jogging in place.

Amazed, you walk away.

Who else would you like to talk to? [OPTIONS]

{KatieIntro}

You approach the girl wearing a red fez on her head and a matching red bowtie. She also sports a long black robe with a green trim. Stitched onto the front of the robe is the word “Katie.” A strange, blue circular light emanates from the center of her chest, glowing through the robe.

“What’s that?” You point towards the light. She looks up at you, then at your finger, then down at her chest.

“It’s an arc reactor,” she replies. “Unless you’re talking about the Hogwarts robe or the 11th  Doctor bowtie. But you probably already knew that and just wanted to stare at my merchandise, you pervert!”

“WHAT?!” You shout, surprised. “NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT.”

She scoffs. “I don’t even have to use Veritaserum on you to figure out that you’re lying.”

“But I’m not lying!”

“Oh suuuure,” she replies mockingly, “And I’m not married to the Doctor, Tony Stark, and Draco Malfoy. Which I am, by the way. See?” She shows you her left hand. On her ring finger are three rings, one that looks like a green snake eating its own tail, one colored silver with a small blue arc reactor acting as the gem, and one that makes a strange electronic whirring sound.

Suddenly, she puts her hand to her mouth, with all five of her fingers pointing outwards. “Quack,” she says, opening her hand as if it were a beak, or a sock puppet’s mouth. She “pecks” you with her hand-beak.

“Wh... what?” You’re confused. She pecks you again, only harder. She does it again, even harder.

“QUACK!” She yells at you. Startled, you walk away from you before she can do more damage to your psyche.

Who else would you like to talk to? [OPTIONS]

{SantiagoIntro}

You approach the depressed-looking man on the couch. He has slicked back hair, a thin pencil mustache, and tears flowing from his eyes. A bright red rose sticks out of the front pocket of his white blazer.

“Hey,” you start. “Why so sad?”

He sniffles, then looks up at you. “Oh,” he starts. “Do not mind Santiago’s tears. Santiago simply suffered from yet another heartbreak.” He suddenly begins sobbing uncontrollably.

“What happened?” You ask.

“Look at her. Look at that angelic flower, standing over there, having her heart stolen by someone else.” Santiago points to one of the girls in the room with a shaky hand. “Oh, how unfortunate it is that the words ‘elegant’ and ‘elusive’ often go hand in hand.” Santiago continues weeping.

“Well...” you start. “Why don’t you try talking to her?”

He violently lurches his head towards you. “Do you take me as a gutless coward? Of course I talked to her. But in doing so, I awoke from the lovely dream that is ignorance, and found myself in the cold reality of rejection! Why must this be?!” He bawls. “We only talked for two minutes, yet I would sacrifice my life to relive the time we spent together.”

“Don’t you think you’re being a little overdramatic?”

“What is overdramatic but a label given to those with love-filled hearts in a loveless world? Tell me that this love isn’t real and I’ll fill the air with a thousand sonnets describing her beauty, recited to the tune of a symphony composed from the four-chamber orchestra hall of my heart! Mi amore!” Santiago’s eyelids look like a rubber dam stretching to keep the water in. You decide to walk away and leave Santiago to mope on his own.

Who else would you like to talk to? [OPTIONS]

{AdrianIntro}

You approach the boy wearing shutter shades. He is fiddling with his iPhone. You throw him a greeting.

He looks at you, scans you from head to toe, then returns his gaze to his iPhone. “Hey,” he says. You can tell he isn’t very interested in making conversation. You ask what his name is.

“Uh...” He mumbles. The majority of his attention is focused on typing on his phone. “Adrian,” he finally says after a few seconds of typing. He doesn’t bother to look up from his phone.

“So, how do you think the party’ll be?” You ask him as he scrolls through his Instagram feed.

A minute passes by. Adrian hasn’t responded.

Two minutes. No response.

Three.

Complete silence.

“Uh... hello?” You finally ask. He glances up from his phone to look at you. He lifts his shutter shades above his eyebrows, scans you again, then puts the shutter shades back on his face.

“Hey,” he says. He radiates coldness.

Suddenly, he chuckles. “Hey, check this out.” He motions you to come towards him. You stand next to him as he shows you his iPhone screen.

You’re treated to a graphic, uncensored image of a large male reproductive organ. Adrian starts laughing uncontrollably.

Disturbed, you let Adrian continue entertaining himself on his phone.

Who else would you like to talk to? [OPTIONS]

{RheaIntro}

You approach the girl sitting against the wall, scribbling on a large drawing pad. You notice that the multicolored wooden pencil she’s using to draw has lead that cycles magically through all of the colors of the rainbow.

You throw her a greeting and ask her what her name is. She looks up at you, stands up...

...and punches you in the stomach. You fall to the ground from the velocity of her punch.

“What was that for?” You ask, in between gasps of pain. You wonder if you ruptured any important organs.

She sits back down, scribbles something on her drawing pad, then turns the pad towards you. It reads “Rhea. And sorry, nervous habit :\”

You cough repeatedly. After some difficulty, you stand back up, just in time to observe a drawing of a turtle crawling out of Rhea’s notepad. The rainbow-colored animal has a thick black pencil outline and looks like it doesn’t fit in with the rest of the real world.

“How did you do that?” You ask while staring at the turtle drawing, currently walking across the room with a big drawn-in grin on its happy face.

Rhea scribbles words on the journal with her pencil, then shows you her writing “This magic pencil turns anything drawn real. The drawings only last for an hour though.”

You’re amazed at the power of this pencil, but at the same time you can’t help but remember the episode of SpongeBob you saw that had a similar premise. You remember DoodleBob and shudder at the destruction that pencil could cause in the wrong hands.

“Why don’t you talk?” You ask her. Swiftly, she punches you in the stomach and you once again fall to the ground. You almost cough up your lunch as she continues scribbling on her notepad.

“I can’t,” she writes. You feel like an idiot for not realizing earlier that she is mute.

Once you regain the ability to stand, you quickly flee, fearing another of Rhea’s punches. But not before being laughed at by her as you trip over the drawn turtle, which quickly disintegrates into colored powder.

Who else would you like to talk to? [OPTIONS]

{ScarlettIntro}

You approach the girl lying on her stomach, watching a movie on her portable DVD player. You glance at the frame and instantly recognize that it’s part of the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

“Oh, I love that movie!” You say to her.

Without warning, she violently turns her head to face you. She slowly raises herself up into a semi-squatting position, using her arms to support her hunched-over back. Every shallow breath she takes raises and lowers her spine rhythmically, giving her the appearance of a rabid animal.

“What is it?” She spoke. Her voice cracks often and carries a rasp that implied throat damage. “What is it?”

“I’m sorry, what?” You ask her.

“It doesn’t even know what its is,” she says to herself in a deeper, raspier voice.

“Shut up, Scarlett!” She suddenly barks. “What...” she crawls toward you and points at you. “What is it, preciousss?”

“Me?” You ask.

“It’s one of the Partygoerses,” She hisses.

“Ooh!” She exclaims. “A Partygoerses! I’ve has cakeses and cookieses and candieses, but never a Partygoerses!” You have trouble understanding what she is saying. “Sits,” she beckons. She crawls in a circle around a point on the floor before sitting down with her legs in front of her, curved in a ‘U’ shape. “Sits,” she repeats.

“It can’t understands you,” she growls.

“Shut up, Scarlett! Shut up!” She lands three punches on her skull before motioning for you to sit down.

“Oh, no thanks, I’m... I’m okay standing,” You reply. You don’t want to have anything to do with the probably psychotic Scarlett.

“You scareds it off, Scarlett,” she growled. “You scareds it off because you hads to watch those movieses and change your personalitieses.”

“Shut up, Scarlett!”

“Throws another DVD in the player, and changes!”

“No!”

“Changes!”

“NO!” She starts pounding on her head again. Frightened, you decide to leave her be.

Who else would you like to talk to? [OPTIONS]

{ChristinaIntro}

You approach the girl that looks like she’s suffering from a seizure but somehow manages to remain upright. You’re surprised that her wide-rimmed glasses haven’t flown off her face despite all of her head thrashes. Wearing leggings, a skirt, and a large collared shirt with “#OOTD” written on it in bold font, she was the opposite of graceful.

You throw her a greeting. She almost slaps you across the face when she attempts a pirouette. She doesn’t seem to notice you. You assume it’s because of the obnoxiously loud music blasting into her ears, loud enough that even you can hear the lyrics coherently from a few steps away.

“Hello?” You wave a hand across her face and she accidentally spins into it, generating a loud slap! as her right cheek makes contact with your palm. She suddenly opens, her eyes, rips the earphones from her head, and glares at you.

“HELLLLLLLLLLLLL NO,” she screams. “You did not just slap Christina in the face.” She steps closer to you. You can smell her rotting onion breath. “Do you know who I am?”

You shake your head. She scoffs, then pretends to spit on the ground, trying to intimidate you. “I’m Christina, member of the famous Kpop group ‘sinaMON.’ We’re only the most popular all-girl Kpop group in all of the southern areas of Laos and parts of rural Japan.”

“Ohhhhhh,” you reply. You’ve never even remotely heard of sinaMON, but you decide to avoid offending her and being treated to another dose of corpse gas. “That’s awesome! So are you like a singer or something?”

“Singer? You think this looks like a singer?” Christina motions to the entirety of her body. “I’m a backup dancer. ” She says while she clumsily spins in place. Halfway through the rotation, you hear a sickening crunch as the tips of the toes on her right foot bends in ways they’re probably not supposed to bend. Nevertheless, she completes a full 360 rotation and with tears in her eyes, struggles to keep herself from screaming in pain as she casually plays off the “dance” movement.

“That was...” you struggle to find honest words without offending her. “That was something,” you finally come up with.

“Pbth,” she blows a short raspberry. “Of course it was. That something is the thing that made us the third most popular all-girl mixed-age Kpop group in Macedonia, parts of Indonesia, and the Dominican Republic.” Christina closes her eyes, turns her left cheek towards you, and pouts her lips up to the sky, trying to do her best “snooty French guy” imitation. She returns to seizure-dancing. Sensing that this conversation is over, you decide to leave.

Who would you like to talk to next? [OPTIONS]

{IanIntro}

You approach the boy in the corner of the room, rocking rhythmically in the fetal position. His blonde hair sits on the top of his head like a limp mop and his wide eyes seem even wider through the lens of his glasses. He looks horrified. You don't know his name, but if you were to give him one yourself, it would be "Ian."

"Hey," you call out.

"DON'T TOUCH ME," Ian immediately screams. "I HAVE AVIAN FLU. DON'T TOUCH MY HANDS OR YOU BECOME INFECTED!"

You back away as he stretches his hands out towards you, then lifts them in front of his face. He states at his purple latex palms. "I was born with a unique genetic sequence that makes me a permanent carrier or a super lethal strain of avian flu," he says with a quivering voice. You can almost hear the theoretical violins playing in the background. "I'm immune to it, but every living thing I touch with my hands becomes INFECTED!" He stares at you as he raises his voice. "It's like Midas but instead of gold it's DISEASE! MYTHOLOGY! I LOVE MYTHOLOGY!"

At this point, everyone in the room has turned their attention to you and Ian. He lunges towards you and grabs you by the shirt collar.

“Do you know how it feels?” He gasped. “Do you know how it feels to never be able to experience the touch of a woman? NEVER!” He exploded. “NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS I HAVE TO BE SHIELDED FROM HER. SEPARATED BY BARRIERS OF CLOTH AND LATEX! IT DOESN’T FEEL AS GOOD WITH LATEX, I TELL YOU! IT DOESN’T FEEL AS GOOD!” Ian releases you and begins convulsing chaotically. You step back as he sits down on the ground cross-legged and begins to roll on his back in a circle. You don’t walk away from him – you run.

Who else would you like to talk to? [OPTIONS]

{VivianIntro}

You approach a girl sitting on the couch, applying lipstick and looking at a pocket mirror which has the word “Vivian” embossed on it. You notice a picture of Cody Simpson on her shirt, which looks like she screen printed it herself. You say hi.

“Hey,” Vivian says, although because she’s busy with her lipstick, it sounds more like a “hurr.”

“So, how long have you been waiting for the party to start?” You ask.

Vivian pauses, pockets her lipstick, and starts applying mascara. “Umm...” You can tell she’s not very engaged in the conversation. She slowly runs the mascara brush through her eyelashes, folds the mirror shut, then turns to you. “It’s been about...” She looks toward the ceiling, trying to come up with a time estimate. “An hour and a half? Yeah, about an hour and a half since my husband, Cody Simpson dropped me off.”

“Cody Simpson?” You ask. “The pop star?”

Vivian suddenly squeals very loudly. “YES! CODY SIMPSON OH MY GOD I LOVE HIM SO MUCH CAN’T YOU TELL?!”

“Yeah, I noticed you’re wearing a picture of his face.” You point to her shirt.

She shakes her head quickly and with minimal motion, much like a garden sprinkler returning to its starting position. "That's not all."

She pulls up her right pant leg. "I ALSO CARVED HIS NAME IN MY RIGHT CALF!" She wasn't lying. On her right calf were scars that said "I <3 a="" cody="" did="" enough="" font="" herself.="" in="" irregular="" it="" o:p="" she="" simpson="" suggest="" that="" to="">

"Don't tell my husband though," she whispered. "I'm just his trophy wife and if he finds out I disfigured myself then he might trade me in for a new one."

"Pop stars can do that?" You ask.

"OH I LOVE MY HUSBAND SOOOO MUCH!" She ignores your question. "WANNA SEE THE TATTOO OF HIM I GOT ON MY TONGUE?"

"Uhh, I think I'll pass." You stand up and leave just as she sticks her tongue out.

Who else would you like to talk to? [OPTIONS]

{SnakeIntro}

You decide to sit on the couch and wait for conversation to come to you. You look around the lavish living room. A large television stands in front of the couch, bordered by a tower speaker on each of its sides. In each of the room's corners stands a tall black lamp with gold trim. Running down the center of the room is a red carpet with an intricate, flourish-filled design connecting the mansion's entrance to the massive wooden double doors that lead to the rest of the house, which stands three large hemicircular steps higher than the rest of the living room. The only thing that looks out of place is the overturned cardboard box to your immediate right. But in the complexity of the house's designs, one medium-sized box is hardly noticeable.

"Hey." You hear a gruff, baritone voice to your right. Despite only saying a single word, you can feel the authority and experience he carries.

"Uh... Hello?" You ask. You look around to try and pinpoint the source of the voice.

“It’s showtime.”

Suddenly, the box to your right flies into the air! From underneath the box stands a tall aged man donning an eyepatch, a gray bandana, and a gray sneaking suit. He sports faint goatee stubble on his face and military suspenders on his torso with several ammunition clips attached to them. He looks like he is straight out of a video game if it weren’t for the appalling smell of sun-dried garbage that wafted around him.

“What the–?” Caught off guard, you find yourself at a loss of words. “Who are you?” The awful-smelling man turns to face you.

“My name’s not important. What matters is my mission,” He says. “But it’s Snake.”

“Wait, is your mission snake or is that your name?”

Snake ignores you. He looks around the room. “According to FOXHOUND, there’s a Metal Gear in this location.” He turns to you. “You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that now, would you?”

“Metal what?” You ask.

“Be-be-beep. Be-be-beep,” Snake imitates a simple electronic ringtone. He pulls out an iPhone with a cracked screen and a sticky note on its back with the word “CODEC” written on it in black ink. In one swift motion, he picks up the cardboard box, crouches down, and swings it over himself. You can hear his muffled talking through the box.

You decide to stand up from the couch. Maybe talking to other people would be a smarter option.

Who would you like to talk to next? [OPTIONS]

{NoIntro}

You decide to play on your phone. You check for Facebook notifications, followers’ tweets, new questions on ask.fm, notes on Tumblr, and new stories to that one writing blog you really like that usually posts once a week but hasn’t posted in forever for some reason. Then, you decide to play Flappy Bird. After two and a half hours of playing, you manage to reach a high score of nine, which is three more than your previous personal best. You still feel jealous of your friend, who managed to score 217 on his first attempt and only lost because he wanted to stop playing so he could take a bite out of the burger he had in his left hand.

Ding dong ding dong

. A large bell rings from some room in the house. Its sound echoes through the entire house, powerful enough to stop every conversation in the living room in its tracks. The Partygoers all stop and stand up to look at the massive double doors that lead to the rest of the house, which gradually inch open.

Crrrrrrrrrrrrrreak. The doors finally spread apart, revealing a man wearing a maroon colored suit with dark teal lapels that match his tie color. On his head is a comically-large top hat which resembles a cylinder that’s eaten one too many burgers. He also wears a monocle on his right eye.

“Sorry to keep you all waiting,” He says. “Hopefully you all got acquainted with one another while I put the...” he cleared his throat. “finishing touches to the week’s festivities.”

The man walks down the three marble steps, lightly bouncing with each footfall until he stood on the intricate red carpet running down the center of the room. “First things first, introductions. I’m The Mastermind.” He bows. You wonder what kind of arrogant parents would name their kid “The Mastermind.”

The Mastemind continued. “I would thank you all for coming on such short notice, but let’s be honest. You should be thanking me for inviting you all to the most exclusive party in the world.”

The Mastermind dusts off flakes of debris from his left sleeve then continues. “So for those of you who have no idea how this party works, here’s a quick runthrough.” He pulls out a piece of paper from his coat pocket.

You anticipate that he will be reading a massive block of text that probably won’t be critical to the advancement of the plot. Would you like the long version or the short version?

[LongVersion] The long version.

[ShortVersion] The short version.

{LongVersion}

The Mastermind begins to read verbatim from the sheet of paper.

“The Annual Kibougamine Academy Consequence-Free Party (sponsored by Purina Dog Chow) is a week-long event in which 17 of the most ‘interesting’ people in America are selected to participate. For the duration of the week, participants are allowed complete, unrestricted access to all above-ground parts of the Kibougamine Mansion, which includes but is not limited to the aviary, the gym, the outdoor track, the laboratory, the movie theater, the electronics room, and the lavatories. Participants are encouraged to experience everything the mansion provides and are assured that their actions will not result in negative consequences so long as they obey all of the rules. These rules are subject to change at the Mastermind’s discretion.”

The Mastermind exhales sharply. “Phew. Done.”

“What rules do we have to follow?” Bruce asks. The Mastermind ignores his question.

[PreParty] Click here to continue.

{ShortVersion}

The Mastermind begins reading a massive block of text. Suddenly, someone in the crowd cries out.

“Get on with it!”

“Yeah!” Another crowd member screams.

“I’m soooooooo bored!” Someone else shouts.

Sensing the crowd’s hostility, The Mastermind responds. “Okay, okay, okay, fine. I’ll give you the short version.” He crumples up the piece of paper and tosses it aside.

“You’ll be staying here for one week. During this week, you can go anywhere you like and do anything you want EXCEPT go into the basement. After the week is over, you can all leave as long as you all follow the rules. If you don’t, then... things will happen.”

“And what are the rules?” Bruce asks. The Mastermind ignores him.

[PreParty] Click here to continue.

{PreParty}

“Now that the introductions are out of the way, it’s time to start the tour!” The Mastermind speeds up the three marble steps and kicks the thin gap between the two large wooden double doors, causing them to burst open as a flood of bright light rushes through the newly opened entryway. Your eyes slowly become accustomed to the incredible brightness of the rest of the house. You and the other Partygoers decide to walk through the doors and explore the rest of the house.

Where would you like to go?

[First Floor]

[Living Room]

[Dining Room]

 -Kitchen

[Movie Theater]

[Electronics Room]

 -VR Room

[Infirmary]

[Track]

[Basement]

[Second floor]

[Lounge]

[Laboratory]

 -Supply Closet]

[Bathrooms]

[Gym]

 -Weapons storage

[Third floor]

[Dorms]

 -Your room

[Fourth floor]

[Finish]

{First floor}

You walk down the steps and enter the first floor. Which room would you like to enter?

[OPTIONS]

{Second floor}

You take the stairs and enter the second floor. Which room would you like to enter?

[OPTIONS]

{Third floor}

You take the stairs and enter the third floor. There isn’t much on this floor. Two couches facing each other with a circular rug between them, two bathrooms (one for each gender) and 17 rooms, one for each of the Partygoers. Where would you like to go next?

[OPTIONS]

{Fourth Floor}

You take the stairs and enter the fourth floor, which consists entirely of an aviary. Through the large glass dome surrounding the room, you can see the bright blue, cloud-dotted sky as well as the endless green field that stretches endlessly to the horizon on all sides. Inside the room stands a massive tree with a trunk thick enough to hide a body. Despite its large size, ample space still exists between the tree’s leafy canopy and the top of the glass dome. Surrounding the tree is a stone path, which begins from the stairs and circles around the tree much like a lazy river circles around an amusement park. The little “island” that the central tree rests on consists entirely of grass, while the area unbounded by the path contains bushes, large flowers, mushrooms, and other flora. A small dirt patch beside the stairs is the only area without any plant life.

Several different birds walk around the floor of the aviary. Most of them are small breeds, such as parakeets, mockingjays, and finches, but you also notice several larger birds, such as jubjub birds, falcons, and even a massive, colorful snipe. You notice the snipe walking towards you. Fearing being hit by one of its regurgitated tennis balls, you decide to leave.

Where would you like to go next? [OPTIONS]

{Living Room}

You enter the living room, which was the first room you entered when you first arrived here. Not much else to see here.

Where would you like to go next? [OPTIONS]

{Dining room}

You enter the dining room. In the center of the room stands a long dinner table with 16 chairs, 7 on each side and one on each end. A large, stainglass window occupies the majority of one of its walls, dousing the kitchen in multicolored light. An elegant chandelier hangs over the table. In the far corner of the room, you notice a door.

Where would you like to go? [OPTIONS]

-{Kitchen} The dining room door.

You enter the door in the corner of the dining room and find the kitchen. Apart from its size, there's nothing too notable about the room. Some [Cabinets]cabinets, an oven, a microwave, a collection of kitchen knives, a refrigerator, pig carcasses hanging from the ceiling, just your normal average every day kitchen.

Where would you like to go next? [OPTIONS]

{Cabinets}

You decide to look around the kitchen cabinets. Nothing too noteworthy. Plates, silverware, cups, a spider's nest, a jar full of Fruit Rollups, absolutely ordinary. You do notice a line of seven blue and white teacups. From left to right, each teacup is slightly bigger than the last, sort of like Matryoshka dolls.

Where would you like to go? [OPTIONS]

{Infirmary}

You enter the infirmary. In the center of the room is a doctor’s chair, complete with disposable pillow and paper covering. To the right are shelves full of medical supplies. To the left are... cosmetics? It reminds you of the makeup aisles in department stores. Frankly, it seems out of place in a room the looks like a doctor’s office.

Where would you like to go? [OPTIONS]

{Movie theater}

You enter the movie theater. Instead of cheap, plastic, fold-up chairs, this theater had large, couch-like armchairs, each with individual armrests that you no longer had to awkwardly share with the person next to you.

You notice a movie schedule beside a seat. It has seven columns, with the headers "Murderer Monday, Terrifying Tuesday, Wacky Wednesday, Action Thursday, Foreign-Film Friday, Short-Film Saturday, and Saucy Sundays.” It’s Sunday today. You don’t really feel like watching a “saucy” movie, so you decide to leave.

Where would you like to go? [OPTIONS]

{Electronics room}

You enter the electronics room. Large, complicated-looking desktops line the wall on your right. A large vent above you takes up half of the ceiling. In front of you sits a large maroon couch, with an even larger flat screen TV. In front of the TV are several game consoles with controllers placed atop them. To your left is a large shelf with numerous games in their cases, ordered alphabetically by name with their spines out. You also notice a door in the corner with a fancy control panel beside it.

Where would you like to go? [OPTIONS]

-{VR Chamber}

You approach the door in the corner of the room. Tugging at the door, you find that the door is locked.

"THAT'S THE VIRTUAL REALITY CHAMBER," The Mastermind shrieks behind you. You jump, startled. He seems to have come out of nowhere, which is a bit weird since you were sure you didn't hear the door open behind you.

The Mastermind pushes you aside and stands in front of the Virtual Reality room's door. He faces you and leans one elbow on the control panel beside the door.

"This bad boy lets you choose from several MILLION preset simulations and even lets you write custom ones. Every one of the simulations feels 100% realistic and integrates all five of your senses. You can live out any scene, any scenario, any fantasy you want with no risk of death. Just uh..." A look of disgust briefly appeared on The Mastermind's face. "Clean up after yourself."

A cloud of smoke suddenly materialized around The Mastermind, dissipating just as quickly as it appeared. When the smoke cleared, The Mastermind is nowhere to be found.

You look at the control panel. You consider using the VR room, but decide against it after realizing you still have a sizable portion of the house to explore.

Where would you like to go next? [OPTIONS]

{Track}

You exit the house and step onto the backyard. Actually, no. It’s not so much a backyard as it is a track and field stadium. In the center of the stadium lies a green field with various boundary lines painted on it, color coded by sport. On either end of the field stand large yellow football goal posts. Surrounding the field is a large blue track, with the words “Mira Mesa Marauders” painted onto it. You vaguely remember a news story about how a high school had their track stolen overnight. Maybe this was it?

Where would you like to go next? [OPTIONS]

{Door to basement}

You notice a trapdoor next to the stairs. You try to pull on the handle. It's locked. But curiously, you hear muffled whirs and buzzes of heavy, dangerous machinery behind the door.

"NO BASEMENT," The Mastermind smacks you on the back of the head. "DIDN'T YOU LISTEN TO THE RULES?" You're shocked at his sudden display of anger, but you're even more shocked that he suddenly displayed at all. A second ago, you were alone.

"YOU CAN'T GO IN THERE. IT ISN'T TIME." The Mastermind stomps his foot onto the ground. A cloud of blak smoke appears from his feet, which quickly engulfs him. Just as quickly as he had appeared, he disappears.

You decide to avoid the trapdoor from here on out. You don't want to find out what The Mastermind will do if you dare to touch the trapdoor again.

Where would you like to go next? [OPTIONS]

{2nd floor}

You head to the second floor. It has even more rooms. There's also staircases. One leads to the third floor. The other leads to the fourth floor.

Where would you like to go now? [OPTIONS]

{Lounge}

You decide to take a look at the large lounge that takes up the majority of the second floor. A grand piano sits in the corner of the room on a small elevated platform. Three couches surround a circular rug in the middle of the lounge.

It's very boring place. You should probably visit somewhere else.

Where would you like to go now?

[OPTIONS]

{Gym}

You enter the gym. It's a big room. A very big room. Enough to fit a full-sized boxing ring on one half of the room and a gymnastics floor on the other. There's also various weight-lifting machines in the corner of the room, next to the gymnastics floor. You can smell the odor of dried sweat in the air.

You also notice a closed door in the corner of the room.

Where would you like to go next?

[OPTIONS]

-{Weapons storage}

You enter the room in the corner of the gym. Assorted weapons, both blunt and bladed, hang on the walls of the room like picture frames. Only deadlier. You recognize a few weapons from movies you used to watch as a kid when you wanted to be a ninja. There's nunchucks, halberds, sais, a katana, two-handed swords, daggers, maces, a Buster Sword, a lightsaber, a giant pair of scissors, a Hylean Shield, and a Zamorakian Spear.

You also notice that the bladed weapons seem to have a certain luster to them. They seem to have a coating of clear oil around them.

Where would you like to go next?

[OPTIONS]

{Bathrooms}

You go to whatever respective bathroom your gender dictates that you should go into. I mean I don't know if you're a boy or a girl, and frankly, I won't judge whichever one you are. So just go in there and do your business, whether it involves standing or sitting up, and I won't narrate your bowel movements.

When you finish, you flush and step out of the bathroom.

Where would you like to go next?

[OPTIONS]

{Laboratory}

You enter the laboratory. In the front of the room sits a movable chalkboard with a bunch of complicated formulas written on it, too complex for your brain to comprehend. In the center of the room is a black lab table with assorted chemistry materials. A Bunsen burner, an Erlenmeyer flask, a beaker with 5M Hydrochloric Acid, various test tubes, an iPhone with a yellow and black case running Clash of Clans, and a wash bottle.

Lining the walls are cabinets holding numerous scientific tools. One is filled with glassware, one is filled with bottles containing various chemicals, one has a bunch of textbooks, and the others have strangely-shaped apparatuses of which you have no idea of their function. There's also a shower and eye wash station in the corner of the room, along with numerous scientific posters lining the walls.

There's also a door in the corner. You can hear a strange whirring coming from behind it.

Where would you like to go next? [OPTIONS]

-{Storage room}

You enter the room in the corner of the laboratory. Upon opening the door, you are hit by the deafening noise of whirring machinery. In the corner, you notice a large centrifuge violently shaking back and forth. Someone didn’t take the time to balance out the masses before running the centrifuge. A part of you wants to stop the centrifuge, but the large yellow and black warning signs coating the giant hunk of metal persuade you to leave it alone.

Where would you like to go next? [OPTIONS]

{3rd floor}

You take the stairs and enter the third floor. More staircases. One leads to the fourth floor, the other to the second floor. Lining the periphery of the third floor are nineteen doors. Besides for the two bathrooms, each door has a small nameplate and a doorbell to its right. You correctly assume that each of these rooms must be where each of the guests will be staying for the week.

Where would you like to go next? [OPTIONS]

-{Your dorm}

You find the door with your name on it. You pull on the doorknob and find that it’s locked.

“Want your key?” The Mastermind whispers seductively in your ear. You jump back. Not in arousal, but in surprise at his sudden appearance.

“LOL. You jumped like... a MILE into the air!” You can’t believe that The Mastermind actually said “lol” in real life.

“Anyway, you have something in your hair.” He reaches behind your head and magically pulls out a key from your scalp. He hands it to you. Taking a brief look at the key, you notice your initials engraved onto the blade of the key, probably to differentiate your room key from the rest of the keys.

“Enjoy your stay, baby <3 a="" behind="" cloud="" disappears="" mastermind="" o:p="" of="" smoke.="" the="">

You enter your room. It’s very plain. The only thing in the room is a mattress on the ground with a single pillow and a blanket. Upon lying down, you notice the mediocrity of the bed. You can sleep on it, definitely, but it feels like you’re lying on a bowl of lumpy porridge. Some parts of the mattress are overly soft, while others are overly hard. You can tell that the entire room was designed to discourage you from staying too long.

And it works. Less than five minutes after entering your room, you already feel like leaving.

Where would you like to go next? [OPTIONS]

{Finish}

You decide that you’ve seen everything that you want to see in the house. Just in time too; as you walk back to the living room, you hear The Mastermind’s voice on the PA.

Ring ring ring!

“Alright, well, hopefully you all got to see everything you wanted to see in the house. Let the party officially begin!”

Click.

[PartyTime] Click here to continue.

{PartyTime}

You party hard. In fact, you party so hard that for the sake of keeping any sliver of your reputation alive, I won’t mention the fact that, on that night, you ████ed ██ █████████ ██████. Or that, for the first time ever, you decided to ████ ███ without █████ █ ██████. And let’s try to forget your (rather successful) attempt to ████████ ████████, much to the horror of your best friend when you sent him the videos. Who knew you could be so crazy? I don’t think even you knew you could be this crazy.

The next morning, you regain consciousness in the barren walls of your own room. Your stomach rumbles – You’re probably hungry. Still half-asleep, you limp your way to the kitchen.

“Took you long enough to get out of bed,” Brandon complains as you walk in through the door. “Didn’t you know that they don’t serve breakfast until everyone gets here? Idiot.”

Ouch.

“Ughhhhh, we still have to wait for one more guy... I’m staaaaaaarving...” Katie whines.

"How are you still hungry?" Zach asks. "You ate SO MANY fish fingers last night."

"And custard," Bruce says. "Don't forget the custard."

"It's the only thing I like to eat..." Katie replies.

“I haven’t seen that much custard in one place since the Great Bulgarian Custard Bombings of ’67,” Leo lets out a boisterous laugh and begins to tell his story.

Ignoring the dining table side conversations, you look for a spot to sit. You approach an open seat between Brandon and Snake, but as Brandon sees you walk towards him, he props his feet atop the vacant seat. He then pulls out his 3DS and ignores you.

There’s another spot between Rhea and Jasper, except it seems to be missing a chair.

Rhea starts scribbling words on her notepad. She turns the notepad towards you and you read the words “Would you like a seat” written in pencil.

You nod. She draws something on her notepad with blistering speed. She flips the notepad upside down and a chair plops out of the paper. The multicolored chair lands on the floor with a loud bang! as it hits the ground. The sound attracts the attention of the other Partygoers.

“How... how did you do that?” Santiago asks, amazed at how an entire chair materialized from a piece of paper.

“That’s some fufu lame shit, I ain’t with it,” Christina says. No one understood what she said.

Rhea scribbles on her notepad again. “It’s just a magic pencil,” she writes, “Whatever I draw with it becomes real. It even acts like the real thing.”

Jasper bends down and runs her finger through the ground to pick up some multicolored powder. She rubs the powder with her thumb and pointer fingers.

“Hmm... the chair looks like it left behind some chalk-like powder when it landed on the ground...”

“Chalk-like?” You ask. “Does that mean the chair’s made out of chalk?”

Rhea writes on her notepad. “Sorta. That powder isn’t because the chair is brittle, the powder just kind of... appears after it hits something. It doesn’t flake off the actual object, which is weird. Idk.”

“So... even though that powder appears to come from the chair, the chair doesn’t lose mass?” Jasper asks. Rhea nods in reply.

“Craaaaaaaaazy,” Vivian says, half-paying attention while she applies foundation on her skin. “Almost as crazy as the time Cody Simpson took me to Hawaii after our three-week-iversary. Now that, THAT was crazy. Ohohohoh, was that crazy.”

You press down on the multicolored chair’s seat, checking to see if it’s sturdy. Satisfied, you clap the powder off your hands and you take a seat. Soon after, Denny walks into the room and takes the only available seat, which is in between Brandon and Snake.

As soon as he sits down, the PA system goes off.

Ring ring ring!

“Now that everyone’s here... a few reminders before breakfast starts.”

Strange. You’re not sure, but you think that The Mastermind’s voice sounds a bit different. It could just be because of the bad quality of the PA’s audio though.

“The basement is off limits. Please check bathroom stalls for toilet paper before you use them. Do the other Partygoers a courtesy and refill the coffee pot if you’re the one that empties it. Oh and there’s been a slight... rule change...”

Click.

The PA system goes quiet. For a few seconds, none of the other Partygoers speak.

Ian breaks the silence. “R- rule change?”

“Yeah... what’d he mean by that?” Snake asks himself.

“It couldn’t mean something... bad, could it?” Santiago asks.

“Pussies. How bad can it really be?” Angela starts. “It’s probably something stupid like women have to wear high heels or women can’t eat breakfast until the men finish their food. Stupid misogynistic party, can’t wait until the end of this week so I can leave this house and rant on Tumblr.”

“You aren’t going to be leaving at the end of this week.”